Monday, August 1, 2011

So now we wait.

The symptoms of the OHSS have pretty much gone away which is a huge relief.

I was on bed rest after the embryo transfer on Thursday. I basically spent the weekend watching TV, reading, knitting, napping with Chris and just basically being quiet and still. I did some minor housework - dishes, laundry, straightened up - but tried to keep it really low key. Chris was a bit skeptical about the bed rest but I told him it really wasn't up for debate. He was super helpful all weekend - he went and got food, made a meal on Saturday night and went and got me a book to read when I finished mine.

We had a minor disagreement at some point in the weekend but were able to work it out. I was feeling residual resentment for him not being at the embryo transfer with me. Mostly it was that so many people asked me where he was, and why wasn't he there - that I got embarrassed and angry that he didn't offer to come with me, even though at the time it had seemed totally reasonable to me. And I was also feeling a bit angry that he had been really distant when I was in a lot of pain after the egg retrieval and during the worst of the OHSS. Basically he felt helpless and didn't have any way to make me feel better so he withdrew - which left me feeling a bit abandoned and alone, and a bit like my not feeling well was a huge inconvenience for him. We agreed to try it differently next time - if there is a time in the future when he feels that way or I feel that way - we'll try and deal with it more quickly before it festers. I think the main issue for him is control - he feels really helpless when I'm in pain and there isn't really anything he can do, so he retreats. Men are so complicated.

Just to be clear, I wasn't trying to demonize Chris in the above paragraph. I was just as complicate in our miscommunications. I wasn't as clear about my needs as I needed to be and I'm sure that the massive hormone levels have a lot to do with how sensitive I feel about EVERYTHING, so it was really just a recipe for yuck.